Drill It
by Fluffisacoolword
Summary: Songfic. JxB like you've never seen them before. Rated M for rape.


_**Disclaimer**__**: I do not own Twilight, nor anything related.**_

**Setting** Jacob POV, during New Moon. Jacob can't take it anymore; he needs Bella and he can't stop with just a kiss.

**Song: "Drilled A Wire Through My Cheek" by Blue October**

_I try to stay on top of you  
To hold your body down  
Your shaking seems to hinder  
Every grasp that I had found_

"Bella, don't be stupid," I growl, trying to get a secure grip on her wrists. "I know you want this just as much as I do." I dig my knees into the ground on either side of her hips, holding her in place. 

"No," she whimpers, "Jacob, please." She tries to move her arms, and I push them back onto the ground. Taking her wrists in one hand, I bring my other hand down to gently stroke her face.

"Bella, I love you," I whisper, not breaking eye contact with her. "And you love me, too. You just don't realize it yet."

"Jacob!" she cries in protest. "No! I love Edw–" My hand flies to her face before I even know what's happening. Her head snaps to the side on impact, exposing her long, pale neck.

"Don't say his name!" I roar. Her eyes squeeze shut, and a hot tear rolls down her cheek. I immediately regret my actions. I reach down and softly, gently, wipe the tear away. I lean down until my face is mere centimeters away from hers. "He's not here," I whisper. "He's gone, and he's not coming back. You love _me_. And I'm going to make you see it."

_  
Moving every inch around you  
To diffuse your private bomb  
I stretch myself surrounding  
And protecting you from harm_

I press my lips against hers, pouring all of my passion and desire into her. It is amazing – despite my overbearing body heat, she feels undeniably warm to the touch. She holds her lips still at first, but I'm not about to give up. I run my tongue along her quivering lip, parting her lips to deepen the kiss. 

She writhes underneath me, fighting to get out from under me. I press my body against her to hold her down, and the urgency wells up in me. Suddenly, we are not nearly close enough.

_  
I use a wallet for your mouth  
So when you bite, you will not bleed  
I drilled a wire through my cheek  
And led it down and out my sleeve_

I slip my hands under her shirt, feeling across the glorious expanse of soft skin. I take in every inch of her, admiring the perfection of her body; of her soul. She's shaking, and I push my lips to hers even harder. She has to realize how right this feels. How completely right we are for each other. 

I want to be close to her, in a way that _he_ has never been. Then she won't be able to deny this connection we have. She'll want me the same way I want her. Unbearably. Uncontrollably. 

_  
And now you're pulling out the best of me  
Yeah, which never ever comes  
This wire's all that's left of me  
And it's hooked within my gums  
Within my gums  
_

I can't take it anymore. I tear her shirt off, my normally careful and precise hands suddenly ripping clumsily at the buttons. I run my fingers greedily across her, quickly removing the rest of her clothes. She tries to stop me, but I hold her still. She can't run away from this. She needs to finally see how much she loves me.

"Jake, please," she begs, another tear rolling down her cheek. I wipe it away again and shake my head.

"It's going to be okay," I soothe her, "I love you." And now my pants are lying on the ground, and her body is too beautiful to resist.

We become one.

_So drill it  
So drill it  
So hard I feel it  
So carry on  
So drill it  
So drill it  
So hard I feel it  
You've got to carry on  
_

She gasps out in pain, and I wrap my arms around her. I press my lips against hers and begin to move, in a rhythm that belongs to nobody but us. The pleasure pumps through my body, and I move faster to increase the feeling. 

Her hands are on my shoulders, pushing me away, then pulling me closer, and then pushing me away again. I bring myself in closer, giving her what she cannot admit is what she wants.

_  
It's fit to show I'd bleed for this  
I'd cut myself to shame  
To get to know this masochist  
Who's stolen my first name  
Pretending he's a teacher  
Holding all my weight at ease  
Yet the teacher seems to split in two  
Destroying both his knees  
_

Her fingernails dig into my shoulders until they break the skin, and a drop of blood rolls off of me and onto her hands. The dark red line slides down her wrist, and suddenly I'm not with Bella anymore. 

I'm in my house. I'm leaning over the kitchen sink, with a bloody razor blade cast aside on the counter. My wrists are healed, unnaturally quickly, but the tears that fall from my eyes are mixing with the blood that runs in tiny red streams toward the drain. 

And now I'm back with Bella again, and I'm blinking back tears that threaten to spill over. I fight to control myself. This is not the time to break down.

_  
And now crawling I position myself  
Below your broken wings  
I lift your feathered left arm  
Where you hide your heart from me  
I never noticed it was swollen  
With the touch of brutal pain  
I never knew a heart could live inside  
The rust from all your rain  
All your rain  
_

My fingers trace down her collarbone, resting over her heart. I can feel it hammering beneath my fingertips, and I lean down to kiss the skin over that spot. She has a hole in her heart, which nobody can see but me. She doesn't think I see it when she wraps her arms around herself, like she's trying to hold herself together. But I do. I see how damaged she is. 

And I know who did this to her. But I can't make him pay for his actions. All I can do is try to heal her the best I can. And the faster she realizes that she loves me, the sooner she'll be able to heal. 

_So drill it  
So drill it  
So hard I feel it  
So carry on  
So drill it  
So drill it  
So hard I feel it  
You've got to carry on  
_

I push into her again, and she cries out, a strangled shout that melts pleasure and agony into one. She explodes in shuddering waves, bringing me with her. I sigh and rest my head on her shoulder, but soon her shaking increases, turning into broken sobs.

_  
I didn't think to bring a wash cloth  
Or to rub away the dirt  
Myself and I we share  
This barely beating heart of hurt  
And when the hurt comes  
There's an argument  
A fight to save a smile  
A small attack on human tears  
To dry them for a while  
_

"Bella?" I ask, bringing myself up to see her tear-stained face. Her eyes are closed with the tears, and she turns her face away from me. "Bella, I love you," I whisper, stroking her face.

"Shut up, Jake!" she screams suddenly, turning back to look me in the eye. "Don't ever say my name again!" She shoves me away from her, and I am too shocked to hold her there. She begins fumbling for her clothes, her body shaking with the sobs. Despite my fierce denial, the truth begins to slowly sink in: she didn't realize that she's in love with me. I've only made this worse for myself.

I reach out to touch her shoulder, but she cringes away from my touch. "God, Bella, I'm so sorry." A wetness on my face tells me that I'm crying, too.

She whips around to face me. "You think that makes it okay?!" The she turns around again, and walks shakily back to her truck. "I'm not coming back," she says in a rough voice before she slams the door shut and drowns out my pleading with the deafening roar of the engine.

_  
A dream we all should count on  
Yeah, a vision I believe  
And where confidence is found  
Attached to wires on our sleeves  
And where loneliness is history  
Told to pack it's shit and leave  
And where guidance is a fortune  
Told to help in time of need  
And where crying isn't secret  
It's the art of how we grieve  
And lessons are the key  
To every goal I will achieve  
I will achieve_

And now she's gone. And I believe her – I don't think she will come back. What I've done is unforgivable. I curl up on the ground, and the sobbing starts. I'm crying harder than I've ever cried before. Because I just destroyed the most beautiful person in the world. I was trying to fix her, but instead I tore her apart.

_So drill it  
So drill it  
So hard I feel it  
So carry on  
So drill it  
So drill it  
So hard I feel it  
I've got to carry on_


End file.
